Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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