I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
