A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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