two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
