hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
