It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
