I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize