there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
