First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
