Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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