Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
