haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
