I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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