this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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