grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
