It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
