When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
