Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
