It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize