I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
