Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
