he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
