She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
time to smoke my breakfast
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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