this beer tastes like vomit already
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
