I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
