Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
