Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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