I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
