Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
