come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
