Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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