Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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