I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
