Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
