I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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