remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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