Cold hands, warm shart.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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