I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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