i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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