I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
she told me i tasted like america
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
