My cat gives me a boner
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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