That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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