and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
