she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
