Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
