What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
