I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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