Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
