dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
