The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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