I smell stomach acid.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
