i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just gargled with NyQuil
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
