I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize