mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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