Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
