I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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