I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
