he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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