so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I love you. Go after that dick
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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