i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
